I hate it. I started cutting when I was twelve because of the amount of pain I saw my mom in. I could never do anything right. I was always doing something wrong in her eyes, even when I was doing everything right. I got into fights constantly and developed a reputation as someone who was distant and not to be messed with. Never once did my mom ask why I had been in the fights or why I did what I did. I did everything I did for her. I never got into fights over petty things, but when someone made a pass at my mom, they regretted it. Cutting was my way of escaping the pain of knowing that all I was, was a reminder to my mother of my father, and as a disappointment to her for all the things I did. I found my dad’s service knife when I was twelve. I was at home after school, waiting for my mom to get off work. I missed him and went to my mom’s room and to her closet to his gear. He had three knives, a military grade throwing knife, a combat knife, and a Swiss Army knife with multiple. In my own time. Okay?”She stood and walked across the room to her desk. For a moment she stood stock-still, eyes seemingly fixed on the photos that adorned the pinboard above the desk, but I sensed she wasn’t really looking at them, that she was looking somewhere else. Or maybe somewhen else.“You have no idea,” she said, “how hard it is to move from somewhere like South Shields to somewhere like Richmond.” She faced the wall, but her words were directed at me. And perhaps Imogen too. I had the feeling that while Imogen knew what happened, she perhaps didn’t understand why it had happened.“I thought we were pretty well off when we lived back home. Some people even thought we were dead posh.” She chuckled. “But I didn’t understand the meaning of posh or well off until we moved down south. We had a big, five-bedroom house in South Shields. Lovely location, big garden, double garage. In Richmond, we were lucky to find a three-bedroom terrace we could afford.” She laughed. “There are.
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